WhiteEagle’s Aerie and Blog

Some more good laughs!

Here are some more good jokes and one-liners from Coffee News:

Reading while suntanning makes you well red.
People who play the stock market are often led astray by false profits.
Experience is what you get while you are looking for something else.
A yawn is nature’s way of giving the person listening to a bore an opportunity to open his mouth.
What do you call a one-eyed dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus?
A computer’s attention span is as long as its power cord.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
These days you know you are getting old when half the stuff in your shopping cart says, “For fast relief.”
A man’s home is his castle, in a matter of speaking.
Why did the man throw his buttered toast? Because he wanted to watch the butterfly.
Why are mountain climbers curious? They always want to take another peak.

Enjoy!

UPS Humor

Here is a joke I received in my email box:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly
routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order..
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

*

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one! )
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget……..

HOPE THESE GAVE YOU A GOOD LAUGH !